A client wanted some special “retouching” on some of his photographs. The actual request, unedited:


I want you to modify a photography (more later if i’m please with your work) who contain a dressed woman and i want you to male her naked, then put her in a explicit position, making sex…

264 notes


Me: Hi, I’m just updating the copy for your form and was wondering if you meant to say ‘programs’ for the third question?

Client: NO. What I sent along was completely accurate, I wrote and edited it myself. Just copy it over exactly as it says, I’ll explain it nice and slowly for you. 

Me: ‘Please indicate which pogroms you’ve attended?’

Client: Yeah, that should be programs. 

584 notes


A client hadn’t replied to my latest proof. I asked if he’d seen it yet, to which he replied: 

"There are too many words. I don’t like to read that much (nor do I have the time), and frankly, I don’t think other people do either"

There were literally seven words on the proof.  

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hey got you’re message, try using spelcheck next time and check you’re grammer okay bud?

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My boss is having a website designed and wants to deal with the website designers himself, despite having little understanding of modern technology, most of which I’ve taught him.

Earlier he said “The designers have emailed me asking whether I wanted emails on my website. You recommended these…

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Client: (Calling our computer store for assistance) “I turn on my computer, but all I can see is the green LED on! The screen is still black!”

Me: “Your computer is here. You have only the monitor”.

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Client: It says my username and password don’t match.

Me: Ok. Is the caps lock on?

Client: No.

Me: Are you sure? Because the password has to be in all lower case letters in order for it to work.

Client: I’m not stupid. The caps lock is not on. Just tell me how to fix my computer.

Me: Ok. Look right above the number pad on your keyboard. Are any of those lights lit?

Client: Yes, all of them, but that has nothing to do with the problem.

625 notes


Client: “I really liked your proposal, but I thought about it overnight and I feel that getting a website is really a last resort.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Client: “Like if someone’s business is failing, they would want to advertise and maybe get a website. But since my business is fine, I don’t want to send that sort of message to my customers.”

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Client: “My friend says that he has a website that runs regardless of whether or not the internet is working.”

Me: “No he doesn’t.”

Client: “Are you calling my friend Kenneth a liar?”

Me: “No, just that maybe Kenneth has been… misguided.”

Client: “Maybe. He DID send a lot of money to that Nigerian prince a while ago.”

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Client: “Can you take the Facebook logo off? I think it violates the integrity of the product. It should only show my logo. I also want to change the page colour to red, like my site, and take that dumb top row off.”

Me: “But—”

Client: “Let me finish before you start, so you can ask all of…

578 notes

Can’t teach an old dog-groomer new tricks


Client: “I want this marketing campaign we ran in the 80’s as our homepage. One of our old groomers drew it up. It’s kooky and retro.”

 Me: “Oh!… Uh….Oh, I can’t put this up.”

Client: “Why not? Is it because it has a Chinaman on it?”

Me: “A Chinese man. A caricature of a Chinese man chasing a dog with a knife and fork, yelling ‘ME SORRY’…”

Client: “Are we not still laughing at that stuff?”

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Client: “I want the website to be, like, 50% ads. And the rest will be content.”

Me: “The website is for your restaurant. It already IS an ad, in and of itself!”

Client: “You just don’t know much about business, do you.”

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No! Don’t use pixels! Pixels make everything bigger. Just use inches like a normal person.

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Client: “Okay, I’ve totalled everything and I’ve come up with $543,698— double check my math.”

Me: “…I got $562,552”

Client: “That’s wrong. Do it again.”

Me: (adding all of the numbers again) “Okay, $562,552”

Client: “What? Now we have three different numbers!”

Me: “No we don’t. That’s…

456 notes


Me: “What browser are you on?”

Client: “Google.”

Me: “Google Chrome?”

Client: “No, just regular Google.”

Me: “That’s the site. I want to know the browser.”

Client: “Google.”

Me: “No.”

Client: “Look, we can have this conversation forever, man. But when I hit the internet logo, Google comes up!”

Me: “Okay…What does that “internet logo” look like?

Client: “…A fiery fox, I guess. But that’s irrelevant.”

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